


I have learnt how it goes, what you wait for never shows

by Tommykaine



Category: Original Work
Genre: Ambiguous Age, Ambiguous Gender, Ambiguous Slash, Bittersweet Ending, Fluff and Angst, Homelessness, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Other, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-16
Updated: 2018-02-16
Packaged: 2019-03-19 11:03:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 700
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13703148
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tommykaine/pseuds/Tommykaine
Summary: I never had much to offer, but what I had, I was happy to give you.You gave me something I never could have thought to ask.You gave me hope, love, and a will to live. If not for myself, at least for you.And then, just as suddenly as you came into my life, you disappeared.





	I have learnt how it goes, what you wait for never shows

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the 5th Week of the 8th edition of the COW-T by LandeDiFandom, using the prompt: "You can’t love someone unless you love yourself first — bullshit. I have never loved myself. But you — Oh god, I loved you so much I forgot what hating myself felt like."

You found me almost by chance, or rather, I should say I was the one to find you.

I was just laying under my bridge trying to fall asleep when I heard the splash, and next thing I knew you were sinking underwater.

I didn't know what brought you to do such a thing, but I couldn't you just leave there.

Drowning isn't a nice way to go, or so they say. I wouldn't know.

If I had the guts to off myself I would have done so a long time ago.

  
  


You were so young, or at least younger than I'd thought. I didn't know what could have possibly brought you to do such a gesture, but I figured it was none of my business.

I wished I could have offered some words of comfort, but I've never been good at that sort of thing.

People usually don't want to hang around long enough to hear them anyway.

I helped you out of your clothes and gave you my blanket. It was the only one I had, but it would have been rather cruel to let you freeze to death right after saving your life.

“Do you have a place to stay?”, I asked you. I figured you just had some problems at home. I never actually expected you to say no.

I told you you could stay with me if you wanted, and if you didn't mind of course.

I figured you wouldn't want to.

I never actually expected you to say yes.

I tried to not to show it, but in truth I was secretly glad you did.

  
  


I never asked you why you wanted to die. I figured it was kinda personal.

Besides, I had my own suspicions.

Everyone flinches when I try to touch them, but I've seen the marks on your body and I had a pretty good idea of how you could have gotten them.

Guess there's some saving grace in having a face like mine. People have always been too scared of me to try to pull some shit like that, even when I was younger.

I guess I've got something to thank my old man for, after all. Had he never bashed it open, maybe things would be even worse for me now.

  
  


I never had my life together.

There never was a time when I thought I could amount to anything. I've always been nothing but a dead weight, a failure, a nuisance, a scourge on society.

They say you can't love someone unless you love yourself first. I say, that's bullshit. I have never loved myself, but you? Oh god, I loved you so much I almost forgot what hating myself felt like.

But I never dared to touch you. I felt like it was a sin to even think of it.

When you came onto me I thought you must be out of your mind. A cute young thing like you, with a monster like me? It seemed like the kind of stuff fairy-tales were made to warn children about.

You said that I healed you, that I was everything to you, that you had no need for anything in your life but me.

I never wished for something more in my life than to be able to believe it.

  
  


I never had much to offer, but what I had, I was happy to give you.

You gave me something I never could have thought to ask.

You gave me hope, love, and a will to live. If not for myself, at least for you.

And then, just as suddenly as you came into my life, you disappeared.

  
  


I don't know why you left, but I don't hold it against you.

It's probably better this way.

I could never give you the life you deserve. I would just have tied you down.

So wherever you are, wherever you will be, please know this:

You gave me something to remember, something to hold on to, when I'm at my darkest.

And I will never be able to thank you enough for that.

Please go and have the best life you could have.

God knows how much you deserve it.

 

 


End file.
